Frustration

Last night I was supposed to go to the Aberdeen ravelers in Aberdeen. Now since I live within the city bounds this is no great trouble for me.
But I didn't go. I got a bit scared and just stalled. And I just didn't go. I thought I'd just be ah well, I'll go next week, but once 7:30 hit and it had started I felt really frustrated. Really really frustrated with myself and uptight because I'd wasted an oportunity to be creative. This is something which has recently become apparant as making every aspect of my life feel wasted. I don't feel happy because I'm not achieveing something outside of work. Sitting on the computer, cooking the usual stuff, playing computer games or just hanging out with CGBF and watching tv. It just isn't enough.
I've had a second lightbulb moment and I am so annoyed to the point of being unable to sleep at having wasted this opportunity. I was able to sleep because I realised I was that annoyed, that I had been to a degree taking it out on CGBF (who'd only just got home) and I wouldn't be able to sleep. So went and spun a bit before bed. Which was definitly one of the better decisions I made.

I had a dose of the luddite when spinning. There are two ways to go while spinning, zen or stew. Now I know how to spin and can do it automaticially it gives me time to think, which means I can stew over things. Usually things that annoy me (does anyone stew over things that are nice? That would be remanicing I suppose). Stewing is bad and I find affects the quality od what i am making. But last night I was being a bit of a Luddite over the colours. Oooh, pretty colours wow.

I was facinated by how they shifted and flowed according to how they were spun. Emphasis on them and how they swirled as they were spun and a length when spun gave rise to a multitude of different shades and combinations. Much more zen than stewing over stuff whilst spinning. I don't think its good to spin whilst being pissy or annoyed, for the yarn's sake as well as my own. IMHO (In My Humble Opinion) you leave that annoyed energy behind and when you are creating something the more positive you are, the more positive all you feelings, better care you'll take and all those will improve the vibes about them. Don't know if I'll include this in the final draft of this.
My Blue yarn is coming along well though and I'll soon be fit to start on my white corridale (hmmmmm). I am so looking forward to it. Its a wonderful fiber, soft silky with the most glorious luster.

News on the shawl. After the great rip back I'm getting back to where I was. Another few rows and I'll be happily onto my second repeat.

Socks, caught up and passed. What I really need to do now is to figure out at what point the heel starts. Every photo has the socks from the front. There is an easy answer. But involves more counting than I have fingers or toes. Explanations are good, the lady who designed them did 71 rows. Mayhaps I should lay my socks once again at her socky master feet. Bow before the talent and feel the joy as I ralise, it worked for her. It may be catching. Or I can say she did it and act like I'm 5.
Either way, I may buy her book...

Spidertoid update. Still missing. Status unknown to me. I'd sincerely love to presume it knows its status. I hope it hasn't been swallowed by either of us.